Posted by: Sonya | January 11, 2009

Can’t Sleep

It’s 5:30am here in Ontario and I”ve been up since about 2am. I can’t sleep.  I watched a DVD thinking I’d fall asleep during it, but no such luck. I then turned if off, but just tossed
and turned. This happened last night as well. Usually I fall asleep as soon as my  head hits the pillow, but for some reason that hasn’t been happening the last two nights.  I can
only think of two reasons. One that switching from night shift to day shift is really starting to become difficult for me (more so than I thought), or  two, (the more likely reason) that I’m excited about this blog and I’m thinking about weight loss again and how I’m going to lose the weight for my 30th birthday and my friend’s wedding but at the same time not deprive myself and lose all progress I’ve made in my Doctors eyes.

I’ve been playing catch  up on several blogs and I know exercise is the key. Okay, well I’ve always known this, but it’s starting to hit home even more so now. I do have to ask the question though,  how does one motivate themselves to workout when you have absolutely no desire? I HATE IT! I know once I get going, I’ll be fine (hopefully), but what do you tell yourself to actually start?  Ugh….I know I’ve got to do it. It’s the only way I can eat normally and not live on 100cal snacks and still lose weight. Now I’m not saying that I’m allowed to binge on fast-food because I’m working out, but I do think if I were to have a not so healthy meal from time to time, the scale might be less included to show it if I’m working out 5 days a week.

I do want to look awesome for Pipes wedding (this is her nickname of course).  I hate being no-neck Sonya. I hate the massive double chin and it’s got to go before those wedding pictures are taken!  I was looking at some photos of past weddings and seeing how I looked in the past.  Have a look.

2002 - 160lbs give or take

2002 - 160lbs give or take

2003 - 175lbs (give or take)

2003 - 175lbs (give or take)

2003 - a couple months after the last wedding but now rougly 190lbs. Not my sexiest look.

2003 - a couple months after the last wedding but now rougly 190lbs. Not my sexiest look.

I got to tell ya. At the time of all these pictures I thought I was fat.  What the hell was I thinking? lol… What’s that saying hindsight is 20/20.  I’d kill to be 190 right now! I think I looked good – minus the looking pissy face. I probably didn’t want my picture taken as I thought I looked fat. Oh god…right…I was just so huge I was bigger than a whale! It’s crazy how you can make your own eyes roll looking back on yourself!  I wish I could tell that girl, fat? You think your fat? Hell just wait a few years and you’ll know what fat is!

Today January 11, 2009 I’d kill to be 190lbs like at that last wedding I was in. Hell I’d kill to be 200lbs!

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Responses

  1. We are always our harshes critic!

    I have a horrible time with working out. I hate it!

    I set a goal to ease into. I posted it for the world (my blogger friends) to see.

    I said that from WI day on wednesday I had one week to work out 2’x. I did one work out that same day and one yesterday.

    Next wednesday I make it public again that I am going to work out three times this week.

    I wanted to be held accountable…tho I know nobody will ream me a new one for not doing it…I feel that I am obligated.

    OH BTW, I’ve heard that downloading Jillian Michaels Podcasts (I typed that into google and found the radio station) and listening to them on an ipod while working out is a HUGE motivator. I just down loaded them yesterday.

    So, get up! Work out…and let me know how you felt afterwards! Go for a walk, go do a DVD work out, hit the gym…something. Doesn’t have to be anything drastic. Just 20 minutes to start.


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