Confessions

Anyone who has been reading my blog for awhile knows I have a problem with food. In the last (I’d say) three years it has been the worse. I am a recovering binge eater and WW is my AA. Previously, even if I wasn’t binging per say I would constantly fill my face when I wasn’t hungry. Why? I don’t know. I felt the need to fill a void of some kind I guess. Stress, loneliness, anxiety? Excitement, happiness? Fear and worry? I’m sure Dr. Phil could figure it out!

If you have been reading my blog for awhile you’ll also know that since October I have been attending ‘sessions’ around my eating disorder (however I have missed a few lately b/c of my work schedule). Okay well, I have an eating disorder ‘not yet specified’ – yes, that’s right, I can’t even get that right. I’ve been doing very well and I’m pleased to say that I am no longer binging so much that I vomit – and not on purpose. With that being said though I feel like I am starting to slip a bit….I have a feeling I know why though (keep reading).

I ate KFC tonight with poutine instead of the fries and was then full. I was FULL!!!!! Of course though that did not stop me. I then went on to eat two chocolate peanut butter squares, three donuts (yes three), yogurt with 1/2 cup cream cheese, a 100cal pack, fruit bites, a cookie, and now I’m stuffed. I’m bloated and gas-ish, but still for some freak’n reason I have the desire to keep on eating. My lunch bag (working nights here), is about two feet away and I’m tempted to dive inside and I’m STUFFED. Ugh….

Now the possible reason….

This week although I didn’t feel anxious or really worried about the move, I perhaps let it be an excuse to eat out and eat more than I should have. I then forgot to take my wonderful medication (my happy pills) and BAM, I’m back to eating fast food which I got to tell ya is my RED LIGHT FOOD GROUP. It’s a horrible feeling to know that a little bit of stress + no happy pill = drive thru windows at breakfast, lunch and dinner. How pathetic is that? I think this week I have hit McDs three times, Burger King twice, Pizza Pizza, Subway, and I’m sure I’m forgetting one.

I do not have this thing beat. I have no self control without my damn antidepressants. That is something that I need to come to terms with. I am not yet ready to come off them. As I say this however, I didn’t mean to come off them in the first place. I just can’t seem to find the darn bottle after the move. Okay, and I forgot a few days to take them prior to my move. Sad but true. I am a horrible patient.

I did get a new prescription when I went to the MD though, and will be getting it filled later today at my new pharmacy. I need to, for my own sanity. I do not feel depressed. I am not sad. I am not tearful, but man, I sure am eating to make up for it and I’m sure those things will follow if I do not smarten up. I wish it didn’t have to be this way but it is…. but hey, if I had a stomach ache or a heart problem I’d take something to fix it, so why not with my brain too? I know when I have the medication in me again, I will feel much better and for me that is all that matters.

To help myself get back on track, I’m also joining two blogger challenges (if they let me join that is) and am looking forward to it. I know I will be going away soon on vacation but I know now even more so that I need the help and the support of blogger buddies to lose this weight b/c I’m sure the hell not going to make the last 7 months of 2008, be like the first six. Amen to that sister! So here’s to a new start and happier, healthier and skinnier times!